Teaching Kids About Toxic vs. Nurturing Friendships

I have outlined the genuine essence of
‘Friendship’ in this article here.

Friendship refers to a deep connection between individuals who genuinely care for one another, offering support during both joyful and challenging moments. It involves shared interests and the pleasure of each other’s company, often founded on trust, honesty, and mutual respect. At its core, it’s a loving relationship where both people feel appreciated and at ease with one another.

Friendship can be with your own family members, someone outside the family, or anyone of any age group. Since we can find friendship even in animals, now it is our responsibility to keep our circle wisely.

While some friends are heavenly beings,
Others are evil people disguised as friends.

Today, I am in a position where I have found true friendship in my daughter and my husband. Although I have people all around me, friends irrespective of any age group. It’s never been really difficult for me and my family to make friendships with anyone. We eventually end up getting attracted to the right people.

While at times we have also met with people who turned their backs on us. Friendship builds a strong community where both parties need to respect and value the relationship at all costs. True friendship is something that never dies. It never does, yet if it still does, then we don’t call it a friendship but merely ‘people with benefits.’.

So I am putting up this post today where I am helping my daughter understand about choosing people carefully in life. No matter what, your peace of mind is the most expensive and unaffordable factor of life. There are certain qualities in any relationship that are to be taken in a fun way, like some silly quarrels, a small fight that doesn’t last longer than a day, some gossip that is boring, some advice that is sarcastic and annoying yet healthy for each other’s growth, some anger that brings out the best in each other, some fun that is not life-threatening or costing either of them peace of mind, etc. There are, of course, more points to mention, but by now we may have gotten an outlook on what I am talking about, right?

How do you categorize childhood phases?

Early childhood is the most crucial part of any person’s life.
Although there is no thumb rule or universal role observed here, and we are not talking about perfect parenting, the idea is to just help raise awareness on certain small facts of life that can contribute to a healthy adulthood.

Friendship Lessons: Empowering Kids to Choose Wisely

So friendship is going to be there in all stages of life. Friendship should not stress someone for dependency. Friendship nurtures each other and holds them together at all costs. Kindergarten levels, middle school levels, high school levels, graduation levels, workplace levels, business levels, family relations levels, neighborhood levels, age-old levels, etc. There are going to be friends who are going to be floating, meaning coming in and stepping out. It is important as parents to help children understand the difference between good and toxic friends. But I go the extra step and explain why that person may be toxic. It could be because of their background, lack of support from a loved one, lack of understanding, the environment where they are forced to stay, etc. This helps them understand compassion. It is so important to help them understand about setting boundaries as early as they are able to take it so your child does not get pulled into a poor self-esteem spiral.

What matters the most is the memories and foundation we build with each other during tough times. All those friends or say any relationship or in response to the faof, whether related to you or not, ‘The ones who stayed during the bad times are the ones who deserve to stay during the good times.’

Why is it important for kids to recognize toxic friendships?

It is essential for children to identify toxic friendships, as these relationships can severely impact their emotional health, self-esteem, and overall mental well-being. Such friendships can lead to stress, anxiety, and depression, while also obstructing their social growth by introducing manipulative behaviors and diminishing their self-worth. Young ones sometimes tend to keep things to themselves. While they struggle to open up, it is important that we, as parents, show full support in understanding whatever their situation is without any judgment.

A Fact for Life:

Be it a child or a grownup, it is important to realize and accept the fact that good friends once made are friends kept for a lifetime. People with time, age, and situation happen to experience a disconnection, which we often feel guilty about and pressured about whether or not we committed any mistake from our side. Or trying to figure out if they were unfair with us. Friendship need not be loud always; with age, friendship is embraced in silence as well. Do not stress thinking about friends who are no longer in touch; instead, always stay content about the good old memories we may have spent. If we as grown-ups are clear with this fact, it is easier to pass down the same to kids.

It is most often that when children find a lack of love, understanding, support, trust, etc., at home, they find difficulty in understanding friendships or any relationship. As we help them understand the world outside the home, we must make sure that we raise awareness within the home as well, among relatives, and in our immediate neighborhood.

Healthy friendships play a pivotal role in positive development, making it imperative to recognize and distance oneself from toxic influences.

So how do I help my kid understand that this, at this young age, is a complex part? We have to explain them in a way that doesn’t scare them yet by gently supporting them by understanding their feelings. Remember, as parents, our first responsibility is to guide them on the right and wrong paths. Make them aware of all the facts. At last, giving them some time and freedom to understand and process any situations, eventually letting them decide what suits them the best.

Understanding Friendships:
A Journey for Kids and Parents

So how can I help my child understand healthy friendships?

1. Evaluate the circumstances.
2. Making them aware that your friends need to love you for who you are and not discriminate on any backgrounds.
3. Identify the red flags by sitting down and having a general conversation at the end of the day.
4. Describe the characteristics of a healthy friendship.
5. Rehearse your responses. Meaning, before giving them any advice, we need to make sure that what we are going to say, as the same question at times, may turn back to us as well.
6. Keeping transparency helps in building trust between kids and parents. Childhood is a phase where we need to be very mindful of sticking to our words in front of kids. It means to be sure and accurate for ourselves first.
7. Recognize when it’s time to move on. Holding on for a long time can only harm our emotional health, so the moment something costs your emotional well-being, it’s time to pause and leave things as they are and where they are and get back to them later if need arises.
8. Provide them with resources. Here the resource means awareness. An environment that needs to be healthy and holistic.
9. Develop a strategy. For example, giving them some situations to see how they would react and helping them see some kid-friendly movies to understand reality.
10. Extend your support by understanding and being by their side. Everything is recoverable except for a bond that a family builds together over years.

How To Set Boundaries for Healthy Friendships

For grown up:

• Despite the fact that you are too busy to travel, a good friend insists on booking a weekend getaway for both of you.
• When a childhood friend is rude in front of others, it can be difficult to confront them. it also does’nt mean you have to bear it quietly. Work it out right away.
• Your coworker is constantly venting and needs emotional support following a recent breakup or any other personal relationship. You feel guilty if you don’t make yourself available to them. its ok to say that you are’nt ready at the moment.
• Your best friend disrespects your values or beliefs. You’ve never spoken up about this before.
• A friendship can never be one-sided. It has to have the right loyalty and understanding from both sides.

For kids : (A growing child requires guidance to understand this with their closest family member/caretaker)

• Begin by understanding how you value each other.
• Communicate your boundaries simply and clearly. What you feel and how it affects you.
  • Express your needs, wants and limits.
• Do not apologize for mistakes you have made or make excuses when they have been waiting for you for a long time.
• Be firm, but also kind.
• Remind your friend you care about them.

Monisha C.